Explication of "All sacrified for passion" in "Spadework" by Timothy Findley

How often we hear about an old cat lady or collector, whose treasures are often worth a few times more than the rest of his possession? Although we do not understand them, we often admire their ability to sacrifice the welfare for passion. But can we apply the same principle to the man who was willing to sacrifice his own family?

Griffin Kincard young, talented actor with bright perspectives. His last role of Claudio in Aldo was a great success and what’s more important Jonathan Crawford renown director suggested that he “might direct [Griff] next season in Love’s Labour’s Lost “ (Findley 40). It was just an illusion, an invitation to a game. Griff knew that “[Jonathan] would have [him], or he would have to pay”(Findley 124), but the amount of cynicism that was involved overwhelmed him. According to the director it wasn’t just an exchange bed for the role. It was suppose to be the part of his practice, the lesson “how to accept the fact of being desired”(Findley 134). It was humiliating, but possibility of loosing the career was the greater fear. It would mean that he will not be able to “pay his own way – and his children’s…”. It was enough to agree.

Such experience have always a strong impact. Griff after first night regrets “what have[he] done to [himself] ―and everything [he] had and loved”(Findley 160). The negative feelings about his homosexual adventure were so strong that he had to search for excuses, even so weak as “I didn’t do it. I only let it to be done”(Findley 161). The change in his behavior was remarked by Jane. She “wanted to know [and] had the right to know” (Findley 128). He pretended that nothing happened. Accusations and begging for the truth answered with silence and leaving. But it was too hard. He returned and started “folding his clothes and laying them in the suitcase”(Findley 265). Afraid Will was explained that “[they] need a rest. The same way [Will would] take a vacation”(Findley 265) and left.

The impact of these event on the family is the most visible on Will. The Boy was too young to understand, but his behavior reflected the atmosphere in home. He was disappearing for hours to sit on the chimney trying to feed a crow, as he explained “ [he] was learning to be like Dad. Out of sight. Gone”. Unfortunately not only this. He started to be aggressive, rude to Mercy. To Jane’s attempt to bring him back under control, he responded with ”Just a words. Six of them. ‘Why don’t you fuck off’ “ (Findley 316). He has seen only the dark side of life and expressed it with children’s honesty, when he explained which mom’s friend he meant― “The one she’s fucking” (Findley 347). The impact on Jane, since she had an affair, is less visible. Her initial anger for not knowing who was he sleeping with changed into a longing: “[she] was still not used to waking up alone. Her hand still went to find Griff, her eyes still looked him, her ears still wanted the sound of breathing, she still missed the smell of his skin” (Findley 313).

For a very long time reader has an impression that there is no element of passion for theater. That it’s just prostitution. Jonathan cynically laying that “it’s an invaluable lesson for an actor, for an artist, for a man, [because] ninety per cent of man have no idea what it’s like to be a woman”(Findley , to use Griff. But “[they] never fucked” (Findley 258). Instead they spoke about theater, discussed the different settings for plays. Those meaningless evidences are put in new light at the end of their adventure. When Jonathan asked him if “[he had] learned something about [himself]” (Findley 392) and whether he “will be able to use [it] ?” (Findley 392). Getting the affirmative answer he encourage Griff to go back to family.

Griffin was willing to sacrifice the most valuable part of his life, people who “ love [him] [and who] he loved ”( Findley 393), to firstly preserve his place in the theater and as the relationship developed to become a better actor. Was it worth it? Did he have right to hurt the others for his own sake? It is always hard to distinguish where your passion starts to hurt others.